Me vs. Japanese Men

10/4/10

Oi!!  Osashiburi desu ne?  It’s been awhile.  Well, I decided that I should definitely update my blog.  Seeing as I’ve been in Japan for a little over two months now and the only updates have been within the first week or two that I was here.  What can I say?  I’m lazy.  You knew this about me when you met me.  So don’t act otherwise.

Alrighty… let us talk about my interaction with Japanese men.  This is somewhat laughable because I have very little interaction with Japanese men.  This it usually how it goes down.

Me: Konnichiwa

Japanese man does not respond back, instead looks the opposite direction and keeps walking or freezes completely.

My interpretation of the thoughts of Japanese men: Oh shit! It spoke!  What do I do?! What do I do?!  Don’t look it in the eye, don’t look it in the eye!  It can’t see you if you don’t look it in the eye.

Uh… I can see you, thank you very much. I won’t suck out your soul (this time) or eat you for dinner (at this point) but I would appreciate at least some sort of reaction other than scared shitless.

The exception to this rule are the male teachers at my school.  They don’t have much of a choice because they can’t get away easily.  So, when I say “ohayo gozaimus” or “konnichiwa”, they look down at their feet and mumble some sort of a greeting back.  Usually not a full phrase, but at least some sort of audible response that has the intonation of a greeting.  There is one teacher in particular who tries to avoid my gaze at all cost; I make a special point to greet him in the morning.  You won’t get away from me! HAHA! You sit right behind me!  Say hello!!  Say it!!!

Now, my dear students are another exception.  Well, maybe not.  They are boys, not men so they are in their own category.  They want to give me high fives and try to feed me at school festivals.  “Sensei, open your mouth!” they say as they try to shove a cookie in my face.  They like to tell me “hello” as much as possible and since I’ve taught them “what’s up?” they will ask me any chance they get.  “You are very beautiful.”  “You are very cute.”  “I love you!” “Let’s go out!”  Oh, boys.  How illegal you are for me.  Please stop coercing me with your teenage boy stink and awkwardness.  I can hardly control myself… Well, actually it’s nice to be complimented by somebody!  Even if they are 15.  Oh, by the way, there is body odor in Japan.  For a while, I thought it might be me because the rumor is they don’t stink, right?  So, of course the sweaty American is the stinky one. That’s a lie.  I have plenty of smelly boys in my classes… maybe some girls too.

One of the male teachers who isn’t afraid to speak to me asked me if I really wanted to learn Japanese.  I told him yes.  “You should get a Japanese boyfriend. This is the best way to learn Japanese.”  Then he told me which teachers I was allowed and not allowed to date at school. “Date him because he doesn’t speak any English. You cannot date him because he speaks English and you will just always speak English.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.”  I said, thinking all the while that he must not know how most men react to me… even the English speaking ones.

Now it’s become more of a game.  I like to say hello to all the men I can and judge their reaction.  So far, 1,289 have acted scared out of their mind.  576 pretended I was invisible. 4 have responded with a greeting back.  I gave them mental gold stars.  I’m sure they felt it and were proud of their achievement.  “I was not scared of the American Amazon!”  It is something to be proud of.