New Blog (elsewhere)

Hey everyone!!


First off, thanks to those of you who are reading my very un-updated blog... but I am moving over to wordpress... I think I like that set-up a little bit better and I hoping that I'll post more because of it...  I won't delete this account just yet... but if you want to read any updates, you'll find them at 


hoosierhana.wordpress.com


thanks so much!!


Shanyn/Hoosierhana

YAWNING IS DANGEROUS!!!

Ever want to know what it’s like to be in a small town Emergency Room in Japan?  I sure as hell didn’t. But apparently, the universe thought differently.

My Monday had started off well.  It wasn’t a busy day at work; I was totally prepared for my next day of classes.  For once, I was on top of things.  Well, as “on top of” that I can be.  Anyone who knows me knows that I am huge procrastinator.  Most of my Tuesday lessons were simply made up of things I hadn’t yet gotten to in previous lessons… Anywho…

I went to friend’s place to watch some American Football.  Giants versus Seahawks, which I realize was already played in the USA, but hell, I can’t watch football here unless I have cable (which I don’t) or I want to stay up until 3 a.m. on a work night (which I don’t… at least not to watch football).  All was well, we ate pizza, watched the game, made some dumb jokes.  Laughed out loud at a song called, “F^ You" and then I went and did something seemingly harmless yet turned out to be an incredibly dangerous act.

I yawned.

You might be thinking to yourself, “You are stupid. I yawn all the time and there’s nothing dangerous about it.”  Oh, but there is my friend.  There is.  I ended up in the Emergency Room because I yawned. 

When yawning, I’m used to my jaw popping in and out a bit, but it always pops back into place.  Not last night. No sir, no ma’am.  It rebelled against its natural position and decided that it wanted to hang out for a big.  Literally.  My friend thought I was playing a joke.  Honestly, I don’t know who would want to play a joke with their mouth hanging wide open, but that’s just me.  (Just think of all the pervy things that would automatically be said.)  At first, it was kind of funny.  I could laugh (because it’s natural to laugh with your mouth open) a bit as we Googled “how to pop your jaw back into place” and everything said GO TO THE ER!  FIND AN EMERGENCY DENTIST! DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS YOURSELF.  I had only attempted a couple of times at this point, but the pain of it kept me from being too stupid about.

So, I jumped in my friend’s car to go to the Emergency Room.  The aching pain started to set in at this point and my head also started hurting.  I held a napkin up to my mouth because I couldn’t swallow.  That’s a horrible feeling, by the way, not being able to swallow and all your spit HAS to come out.  Drooly McDroolerson over here was not happy.

The first thing my friend and I realized was that Japanese hospitals and emergency rooms are not easily found.  This seems like bad planning to me.  You would think that there would be ridiculously well marked signs in picture form that scream out to citizens and foreigners “Hey douche bag!!  It’s THIS way!”  But, apparently, that’s asking too much.  Instead, we first passed the hospital completely and then drove to what looked like the entrance.  Have you ever seen a hospital with its lights off?  It’s a disheartening feeling when you can’t shut your mouth.  Thank goodness I wasn’t bleeding to death or about to give birth.  That would have sent me straight into phase two “I hate Japan!” mode right quick, turns out I only teetered there that night.  I am glad to say that I am still safely in phase one of happiness and wonder and awe.  Whoopie!

Feeling lost and frightened while staring at the darkness of the hospital, we accosted this poor high school kid… only in Japan would a high school kid finally be getting home around 10 o’clock at night… and made him find the ER for us.  Not well marked or in the easiest place to get to, but it was there. Yippee!  My friend dropped me off to go park the car and I went inside, luckily the receptionist was right inside the door.

I took out my shitty phone translator and typed in “jaw popped.”  I learned that the Japanese word for jaw is “ago.”  Just in case anyone needs to go to the ER in Japan for a popped jaw. Plus, this just goes to show that you can learn something new in any circumstance if you really want to.  Go me. They looked at me with sympathetic faces as I fished out my gaijin (foreigner) card and insurance card with one hand, while trying to catch drool with the paper towel in the other.

As soon as my friend came in, they started directing all comments towards him.  Which was fine because he could actually understand their Japanese and I didn’t know what they were saying.  But I couldn’t help but think how pissed off I would have been had they done that to me in America.  Uh… I’M the patient… that can’t talk or understand… oh yeah, please do talk to him now that I think about it.

They sent us to the waiting room.  I was trying to mentally prepare myself for the long 4-5 hour wait that usually seems to happen in the ER… at least, not being a frequent visitor of the ER, I went off of what I see on TV.  TV never lies and always portrays things in such an accurate light; so of course, I thought I would be waiting.  Because they do on TV.  Surprisingly, I was directed into a treatment room almost immediately.  Well, immediately after the doctor and his student came out into the waiting room, looked at me, and laughed uncomfortably at my distorted face.

This is when my mind started to take a perverted turn. I know what you’re thinking, “Shanyn, that’s a long time for you.  Usually, you’re thinking sick and or perverted things right off the bat.”  Well, yes, this is true… I don’t know what was wrong with me.  Oh yeah, my freaking mouth couldn’t close and I was drooling on myself. But what were these men thinking?  A woman is brought in by a man and her jaw is locked.  I made a point of making sure my friend told them that I yawned and my jaw popped.  And that we were watching American football.  And that I really like American football.  I’m sure they were like, “Yeeeeaaaaahhhh… OF COURSE you were watching football.”  But it would have been in Japanese, not English… ‘cause they think in Japanese. Glad I felt the need to explain that to you.  Anyway, I would have been thinking that a popped/locked jaw didn’t happen from a yawn.  At least before, I am more apt to believe this type of story from someone else from now on.

Anywho…

The first doctor brings me inside and laughs at me in that uncomfortable way that the Japanese do.  Then, the grabbed onto my jaw and told me to “relax”.  This is virtually impossible in this situation.  And he pulled and I resisted and finally my friend was like, “Raise your hand if you want them to stop.”  Perhaps only he could interpret my groans and moans of pain.  Luckily, the doctor did actually stop when I lifted my hand.  He then directed me to the table and asked me to lie down.  Then he instructed another doctor to hold my head, another to hold my shoulders, and someone (I’m not sure who) held my legs down.  Yay.  Once again, he tried to pop my jaw back in place, and my body automatically fought back.  My mind was saying “be still”, my body was saying “Fuck you mind! This hurts like a bitch!”  Finally, he stopped after tears streamed from my eyes.

The nurse was very sweet and patted me and gave me tissues, and my friend was nice enough to take my spit rag and give me fresh ones.  He’s a good friend.  Any friend who is willing to take something with your nasty drool all over it is a friend to keep around.  They had to call in the top doctor.  Apparently, when this happens to Japanese folk, their jaws pop in back easily.  But my big American jaw was causing quite a problem.  The top doctor, accompanied by his student, made his way down after only a few minutes.  He gave me that sympathetic look and laughed uncomfortably as well.  I would hate to think how much they would have laughed if I had a knife in my chest.  Perhaps they would have fallen to the floor in tears? But I digress… he took his thumbs, shoved them to back of my mouth and did something that I remember caused me a lot of pain.  I didn’t mean to, but I grabbed his wrists, but thankfully, my jaw was back in place by that time and I was done.  I started crying again for three reasons.  One, I was happy that I could close my mouth and swallow my spit.  Two, it hurt like a son of a bitch.  Three, I really wanted my mom and dad.  (Mom and dad, if you’re reading this (and you better be) you may now feel delighted at how much I love you and want you around in times of need. Thanks for being awesome parents.)

I was able to say an “Arigatou, sensei” (doctors are called sensei in Japan) through my tears and made my way back out to the waiting room to wait as the 5 doctors in the room discussed why whatever particular technique was necessary for my particular situation.  At least, that’s what I am going to think they were discussing instead of something like “I bet she’ll think twice before giving that guy…..”  I swear on the life of all that is sacred, it was a YAWN!!

So, for the visit and the 3 pain killers they gave me, I was out about $100. In my opinion, it’s the best $100 I’ve spent in Japan so far.  I also couldn’t help but think that in America, that trip would have cost me a lot more.  It would have too because I had shit insurance in America. Yay for national healthcare!  Wheeeeeeee!

So anyway, I am trying to get into the habit of either not yawning (which is impossible) or holding my jaw when I do yawn.  Easier said than done.  I was also given strict orders by my father to not chew gum.  So all day, I’ve been eating M&Ms whenever I feel like my breath stinks.  I think it’s a good trade off for now.

So anyway, with all that excitement, I have sore jawline but a funny story to tell at the old folks’ home.  Even though, I’ll probably forget what I was talking about halfway through the story and suddenly become preoccupied with the fact that the young man in the corner needs to drink some milk….

What I’m trying to say is, don’t do anything to dangerous, like get too tired, and be mindful when you yawn because it might send you to the hospital!

Me vs. Japanese Men

10/4/10

Oi!!  Osashiburi desu ne?  It’s been awhile.  Well, I decided that I should definitely update my blog.  Seeing as I’ve been in Japan for a little over two months now and the only updates have been within the first week or two that I was here.  What can I say?  I’m lazy.  You knew this about me when you met me.  So don’t act otherwise.

Alrighty… let us talk about my interaction with Japanese men.  This is somewhat laughable because I have very little interaction with Japanese men.  This it usually how it goes down.

Me: Konnichiwa

Japanese man does not respond back, instead looks the opposite direction and keeps walking or freezes completely.

My interpretation of the thoughts of Japanese men: Oh shit! It spoke!  What do I do?! What do I do?!  Don’t look it in the eye, don’t look it in the eye!  It can’t see you if you don’t look it in the eye.

Uh… I can see you, thank you very much. I won’t suck out your soul (this time) or eat you for dinner (at this point) but I would appreciate at least some sort of reaction other than scared shitless.

The exception to this rule are the male teachers at my school.  They don’t have much of a choice because they can’t get away easily.  So, when I say “ohayo gozaimus” or “konnichiwa”, they look down at their feet and mumble some sort of a greeting back.  Usually not a full phrase, but at least some sort of audible response that has the intonation of a greeting.  There is one teacher in particular who tries to avoid my gaze at all cost; I make a special point to greet him in the morning.  You won’t get away from me! HAHA! You sit right behind me!  Say hello!!  Say it!!!

Now, my dear students are another exception.  Well, maybe not.  They are boys, not men so they are in their own category.  They want to give me high fives and try to feed me at school festivals.  “Sensei, open your mouth!” they say as they try to shove a cookie in my face.  They like to tell me “hello” as much as possible and since I’ve taught them “what’s up?” they will ask me any chance they get.  “You are very beautiful.”  “You are very cute.”  “I love you!” “Let’s go out!”  Oh, boys.  How illegal you are for me.  Please stop coercing me with your teenage boy stink and awkwardness.  I can hardly control myself… Well, actually it’s nice to be complimented by somebody!  Even if they are 15.  Oh, by the way, there is body odor in Japan.  For a while, I thought it might be me because the rumor is they don’t stink, right?  So, of course the sweaty American is the stinky one. That’s a lie.  I have plenty of smelly boys in my classes… maybe some girls too.

One of the male teachers who isn’t afraid to speak to me asked me if I really wanted to learn Japanese.  I told him yes.  “You should get a Japanese boyfriend. This is the best way to learn Japanese.”  Then he told me which teachers I was allowed and not allowed to date at school. “Date him because he doesn’t speak any English. You cannot date him because he speaks English and you will just always speak English.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.”  I said, thinking all the while that he must not know how most men react to me… even the English speaking ones.

Now it’s become more of a game.  I like to say hello to all the men I can and judge their reaction.  So far, 1,289 have acted scared out of their mind.  576 pretended I was invisible. 4 have responded with a greeting back.  I gave them mental gold stars.  I’m sure they felt it and were proud of their achievement.  “I was not scared of the American Amazon!”  It is something to be proud of.

I'm Not 20 Anymore!!!

I think that I forgot that I’m not in college anymore.  I forget that the JET program’s main population consists of 22-23 year old, fresh out of college kids who are still used to drinking almost every night of the week.  On top of that, they have the ability to recover quickly and can be ready to go by the next even, or even in some cases, the next afternoon.  It’s not like I’m an old maid at 27, but hell, I’ve been working for three years and drinking heavily every night does fit into one’s “real world” schedule.

Back home, I rarely had a drink.  Even once a month was a lot for me.  And when I did drink, it was a glass or two of wine and friend’s house.  I have lost the ability to recover from a night of drinking quickly.  Usually, the entire next day I’m dragging ass.  Also, if someone is like “HEY!!!! Let’s get drunk.” I find myself wanting to punch them in the face.  Also, very rarely did I EVER drink on a day when I had to get up before 9 am actually have to be productive.  Like I said before, I hardly drank anymore at home and if I did, it was a glass of wine.

Since I’ve come to Japan, I think I’ve drank more in this month than I have in the past two years at home.  I’m sure my liver and kidneys hate me right now. I’m pretty sure they only just got back to full function from my university days anyway.  Anyway, I think my insides are begging to be hydrated.  “Just water please!” I can hear them scream.  I need to look up the Japanese word they have for “liver holiday” or “liver vacation” or whatever the hell it is.  My liver has definitely been working overtime and could use a break.

Don’t get me wrong, I had an absolute blast… just recovery and repetition is a bit harder for me, I think…

I get very huggy when I drink.  I like to get hugs, I like to give hugs.  Hugs make me happy in general and even happier when I’m drunk.  Plus, I’m in a country where hugging doesn’t occur very often… or at all… so I’m feeling hug deprived at the moment.  So the other night, after my third screwdriver, or maybe my fifth, I got very huggy with several people.  I’m pretty sure everyone involved in my group hugs enjoyed it too though.  Who doesn’t like a hug?  

Communists, that’s who.

Moving on within the same topic, Japan has a zero tolerance law. That means if you consume ANY alcohol, you cannot drive anywhere.  Actually, I don’t think you’re even allowed to bike after a drink.  I have definitely broken the no biking after drinking law in Japan several times now.  But I think this rule actually encourages overdrinking.

Here’s why… I will explain in my usual round-about-way.

Okay, back at home IF I drank I would have a glass, maybe two on the rare occasion. I could still drive home afterwards and be just fine.  No children were (at least accidentally) run over or anything (purposefully is for another time).  In Japan, if I got caught with the smell of alcohol on my breath, I would basically have to start packing cause my ass would be deported after a lovely stay in prison.  Well Hell’s Bells, if I can’t drink ONE drink then I might as well drink five so that it’s worth the cab fare or, as in the case of this weekend, the 6 kilometer stumble in flip flops to a friend’s apartment on the other side of town.  I have about 3 blisters by the way.  But really, who wants to have to leave there car somewhere because they wanted one drink with dinner?  Not I.  So I generally take the attitude if I’m going to drink… then I’m going to DRINK.

This is not the safest, healthiest, or cheapest attitude to take.  I wouldn’t suggest it.

But anyway, I am back in my little town with juice and water filling my fridge.  Don’t get me wrong.  I had an absolute blast hanging out with my new friends and partying it up.  I would not change a single night that I had with them… I just think that my liver is thanking me for putting some water into my body and that my mind and body appreciate more than 4 hours of sleep.  J

DRIVING?!?!

August 3, 2010

I honestly have no idea why anyone would let me drive in this country. Don’t get me wrong; I think that I’m a good driver… in the states.  But I am a nervous wreck here in Japan.  I wonder if I was this nervous when I was 15 with a learner’s permit?  I can’t remember, but I’m sure I was cocky as hell about it.  “I’ve been driving my grandparents’ golf cart for years, I totally got this.”  I do not have this attitude in Japan.

First thing I did was turn on my windshield wipers for my blinker.  Honestly, who puts the blinker on the right side of the steering wheel anyway?  I’ve walked to the passenger side door on more than a handful of occasions.  But honestly, who puts the steering wheel on the right side of the car?!  And I drove on the wrong side of the road.  Luckily this has only been in parking lots, but I’ve done it twice now.  Haven’t done it on the real road yet, but I think it’s because I have visual cues from other cars.

I have this green and orange magnet that signals other drivers that I’m a “first year driver.”  (I will leave those on the entire time I’m here in Japan)  I call them my “stay the fuck away from that car!” stickers.  People should too.  My supervisor told me no waving, bowing.  But I just kind of bob my head like an idiot.  And I have to bob my head a lot.  “SORRY!  Don’t you see the green and orange magnet?  I’m clueless!”

Well, maybe I’m not soooooo sooooo bad…  I haven’t run over a student (knock on wood) at least not on accident.  Not on purpose either, but who knows come December how I’ll be feeling.  I might accidentally on purpose…. AHHHHH!!! I keed!  I keed!!  Giggle giggle laugh laugh.

Oh, I can’t tell if there’s only one radio station in Japan or if I’m just in the inaka enough that only one radio station reaches me.  And it doesn’t play the same type of music all day long.  Sometimes it seems to be talk radio, another time it will be American music, sometimes J-pop and sometimes classical.  I don’t quite get it.  But I know I curbed my car trying to figure out the buttons on the radio.  Luckily, no one was around to see that.

In JAPAN!! wheeee!

This was written after my first night in Shimane... so about a week ago now, but I wanted to post it anyway.

July 29, 2010

Well, I officially spent my first night in Shimane last night.  I know that I must have fallen asleep at one point because I did open my eyes this morning around 6 o’clock when my room was filled with the morning light.  Please don’t think I mean that in a happy way.  You’re talking to someone who has just flown to the other side of the world (literally, it’s a half day ahead of my family in America), drank a little too much at karaoke, and is pretty sure she’s been dehydrated since she left Chicago.  (No really, I’ve hardly peed since I’ve been here).

Anyway, last night I thought might be my first really good night of sleep because I wasn’t sharing a small hotel room with a complete stranger, which always makes me uncomfortable when I need to sleep. But… I didn’t (still don’t) have a bed.  My lovely supervisor, did let me borrow a futon to sleep on.  Now, if you’re from America (chances are pretty good that you are) and you’re reading this, you might think to yourself, “Oh, a futon.  That’s not too bad.”  Uh…. No.  In Japan, futons are not like those in America.  Some are nice and probably comfortable, some are not so nice and suck ass. Which can be like American futons as well.  The one that I slept on last night reminded me of something someone might take with them if they were planning on camping in a tent and wanted a pad of some sort to separate them from the earth.  I say “someone” because I don’t camp unless there is an air-conditioned camper a hook up to running water.

So I’ve decided to invest in a twin bed as soon as I get the chance.

I threw up.  That was fun.  I gagged a few times, dry heaved once or twice before the actual vomiting occurred, but yes, I threw up.  It tasted like the lunch I had, which was really delicious on the way down but not so lovely on the way up.  I think it was a mixture of nerves and fatigue but I really wanted my mommy right then.  Luckily, it was only the one time and I was able to unpack all of my bags afterwards.  I even tried to look awake and lively when my supervisor and three other teachers knocked on my door to tell me they were going to have a drink.  I was in a t-short and gym shorts, not how I wanted to first present myself, but hey… I had just vomited about an hour earlier. Oh, I’ve realized how incredibly SCARED I am to use any of the Japanese I know, which consists of “Hajimemashite, Watashi wa Shanyn desu, and Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu.”  That is the standard first time greeting and I didn’t use it well.  So, I must be making great first impressions all around.

Another one of the English teachers took me grocery shopping yesterday.  I’ve been told by multiple people how incredibly busy my supervisor is, so it was one of the Sensei that picked me up at the airport yesterday.  I must have looked like death, now that I think about it.  I’m sure anyone who saw me was like, “Holy shit, that’s NOT the new teacher is it?!?”  And I’m sure everyone already thinks that I don’t eat well.  Sensei had to convince me to get something other than instant noodles.  LOL.  But I didn’t end up eating any of it.  Just snacked on the dry cornflakes I bought because, like I mentioned earlier, I puked.  Who wants to eat “hambaaga” after they’ve puked?  Or salmon and mayonnaise onigiri?  Not this girl.

By the way, there is a weird smell in my room that I can’t quite place.  I hope it’s not mildew.

Re-reading this one might think I’ve already entered Stage 2 of culture shock, which means I’m irritable, upset, grumble grumble grumble Japan.  I haven’t.  I’m actually pretty amused by everything that’s going on.  Can’t wait to tell my successor, “Yeah, I totally puked the first night I was there and my dinner was a handful of dry cereal.  So take my advice and get some sleep in Tokyo, ok?”  And even though it took me 15 minutes to figure out how to get hot water to my shower last night and another 15 minutes to iron one shirt this morning, I don’t care.  I’m where I wanted to be and I’m happy about it.

SHIMANE and stuff...

first off, i'm really excited to announce that i know where i'll be teaching once i get to japan!  i'll be heading toward shimane prefecture.  a couple of random facts.  it has a beautiful coastline and is the second least populated area in japan.  either way, i'm super excited about it.


shimane actually wasn't in my choices of places to go, to be honest.  i've only heard of shimane before b/c i've been a long-time viewer of "myargonauts" on youtube.  he has an awesome series of JET vlogs and he was a JET in shimane for 5 years.  over the past year, i've written him several times, commented on his videos, written on his website, etc.  so i've come to know him personally just a little bit and now it's nice to hear that i'll be on his old stomping grounds ^_^.  i'm also excited b/c i hear the winters are somewhat mild and that i'm not going to be buried under 5 feet of snow when i wake up every morning.  of course, i still do want a new pair of uggs.  maybe i should be looking into some ugg slippers for indoor use?  i know they're ugly.  i still want them!  the only reason you would ever stick your nose up at them is b/c you've never worn them and have absolutely no idea how ridiculously warm and cozy they are.


anyway....


it's not far off that i will be moving to japan.  just a little more than 2 months.  it's a little bit frightening, but more than that, it's incredibly exciting.  part of me wonders how i'll do it, the other part knows i'll be just fine.  this will be an interesting first though.  i've never lived outside of the US and now i'm going to a country where i don't speak the language, can't read anything, and the culture is quite different.  but i think those are the reasons why i want to go to.  i also want to do something different with my life.  i'm not ready to stay in one spot and only be a speech-therapist for the rest of my life when i want to see and be much more than that.  maybe that sounds ridiculous.  maybe i'm ridiculous.  but that's the way i feel about it.